On The Road

The roads are full of different ways to travel, whether it's by foot, car, bus, bike, and sometimes by penny-farthing or horse and carriage. All these people have to share the tarmac laid in between the buildings in London; and they all want to be on the exact same piece of it.

Pedestrians will run across the road, without warning, like herds of buffalo in the savannah, hoping they're not taken down by predators. If someone sees a break in the traffic, it's an automatic reaction to cross the road; even if they don't need to. In fact, the one place you now least expect to see people crossing, are at traffic lights. With London being a generally safe place to live, it's the only thrill that the average Londoner gets in their life; besides being in 30p debt on their Oyster Card.

On an interesting aside: I once beeped my horn at someone meandering across the road in front me. The selfish moron went on to stick his fingers up at me before trying to open my car door to attack me. I now look back at that moment, wishing I hadn't operated the break peddle and just mowed the moron down. ANYWAY...

When the occasional person does cross the road at a set of traffic lights, they're still not completely safe. Cyclists don't feel the need to stop at a set of red lights when people are crossing.  Perhaps cyclists are natural misanthropes, who are all doing their part to chip away at the 8 million people in London? Either way, they would sooner weave in between the people, like a set of cones in an obstacle course, than go through the hardship of having to peddling back up to speed. It seems that people are expendable, and calories are not. One should remember at this point that the typical HGV has 10 gears, and one doesn't see them knocking over human skittles to save themselves a little effort...

However, cyclists also risk their own lives every time they put trainer to pedal. When even Britain's best cyclists in recent years, Sir Bradley Wiggins, isn't beyond suffering a broken rib on the bumper of a car, it isn't a wonder that when amateurs take to the busy London streets, a few of them will end up off their two wheels. In an attempt to resolve this, the cycle lane was born. The main issue with this though, is that they're only handy if you only want to travel a hundred yards up the road. It's as if no-one in London should cycle beyond the regions of half a street.

One should be on high alert when driving through the streets of London, for both cycle and motor bikes, snaking their way through the traffic. Not because you don't want to kill or injure someone, but because it took you years to build up that no claims bonus. Advice is given to drivers to always 'Think Bike'; but interestingly riders are not asked to 'Think Car', so it's obvious where the blame will be laid.

Regardless, as well as those on two wheels, drivers have to keep an eye out for other drivers who, just like cyclists, weave in and out of the traffic without using those mesmerising orange flashing lights that cars are fitted with. As a result, the soundtrack of London is recognisably a harmony of various horns and screeching brakes; each one of them representing a wing-mirror lost, bumper scratched, or ego dented.

Then add into the mix the loud and random sounds of air brakes on buses and lorries sighing as they drive past innocent, unsuspecting walkers. It's a wonder there aren't more puddles of latte on the streets. I have a theory that there is a button the driver can press, just so he can revel in the sick joy of making pensioners have heart attacks. They're sadists, the lot of them.