Introduction

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Introduction

The Internet is probably the best invention to help the Misanthrope in his or her day-to-day life. Thanks to Sir Tim Berners-Lee, we can do our banking without having to suffer a conversation with the friendly, happy-to-help bank manager. We can buy clothes without having to tell shop assistants 'I'm fine, thanks' every few seconds, and without the worry of whether there is a hidden camera in the changing rooms. We can 'socialise' with our friends without having to look interested and having to awkwardly look them in the eye; unless you're unlucky enough to both own a webcam, in which case, you can have the TV on in the background and not wear any trousers. We can even find people willing to have sex with us using the Internet.

As a misanthrope you're not going to like having to go outside, especially to a place where there are going to be people; and lots of them.

And if you're a misanthrope living in a city with a population of around 8 million, namely London, you're going to need help getting around and surviving life in the capital without having to resort to killing.

Are You A Misanthrope?

Before reading any further, we should probably work out if you need to be reading this or not. There's nothing worse than investing time from your boring, mundane life, into something which turns out to be a disappointment. Everyone hates buying a £50 DVD box set of a popular American drama which everyone raved about, and then falling asleep during the first episode.

 So, are you a misanthrope? Well, are you the sort of person who walks into someone's house and greets their pets before talking to the humans in the room? Cats don't require you to make pointless small talk with them; and it's less awkward when you tickle them behind the ear and they sit on your lap. It's against social etiquette to start behaving like that towards your host.

 Perhaps you think that Eeyore's outlook on life is a pretty accurate one, and one that more people should take on board, rather than all this 'glass half full' nonsense. Or maybe you related to Fluffy the Hamster from the Creature Comfort animations, and his depressed, cynical and pessimistic views about life.

 You might even be the sort of person who would rather be late, and take your chances on the next train or bus being less crowded. It's not that you are trying avoid getting cold or flu germs (however, that is a positive of not wanting to be near people), it's that you don't like it when others sit next to you, or breath near you. Plus you don't trust people in close proximity to you to not fart and force you to get a nose full of their faecal particles.

If you answered yes to one or more of those, then carry on reading. If you like your glass to be half full of love and positivity, then go and buy yourself The Wire box set; I promise you it's not boring at all.